Moving Day

I have pretty much been waiting for a letter in the mail, a phone call, an e-mail, a telegram, a sing-o-gram...anything....telling me that my resume is just so good, Tulane actually doesn't care about my MCAT score and that I can start school now.  If I got that sing-o-gram tomorrow, I would literally be on the next flight to NOLA in a heartbeat.  I want this so badly.  More than anything.  To tell you the truth, I definitely fantasized about that kind of communication after my interview - wow - we are just so impressed, you can forget about taking the MCAT.  Consider yourself accepted.  I think that I tricked myself into thinking that deep down, the MCAT  couldn't be the one thing that would hold me back from medical school.  Everything else is just pretty darn good so why wouldn't I be successful at the MCAT as well?  Modest, huh?  But, alas, I haven't received anything - no songs, no letter, no phone calls - forcing me to realize that they really are serious about this whole score thing.

July 20th was going to be my move date.  My brother and I were going to drive to Louisiana.  New Orleans was going to be my new home.  Everything was packed, the POD was reserved, and I had found a great apartment close to campus.  July 29th was going to be my orientation - my parents even received an invitation for it in the mail.  And July 31st was going to be my White Coat Ceremony - perhaps one of the proudest days of my life.  But guess what?  Today is July 19th, tomorrow is the 20th, and next week is the 31st.  Even though I would gladly accept a last minute admission, I kind of don't think that it is going to happen.  Reality.  Sometimes it's hard.

So here I am.  At my parents' house.  Back in Piedmont.  I would say that my stuff is semi-unpacked...my mother would say that it is far from unpacked.  How am I supposed to fit my life into a closet that has been collecting mementos since high school?  And what about all of the furniture?  Bedrooms really aren't supposed to have two dressers, two bedside tables, bookshelves, a desk and three lamps for only one person...but mine does!  I'm starting to feel a little crammed.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm obviously feeling sorry for myself.  And the constant Facebook news feeds from friends who are already in NOLA (not to say that I am not ecstatic for them)  aren't helping with my self pity  - social networking forces truth and envy to always be in my face....unless of course, I make the uncanny decision of turning it off.  How addicted to innocent Facebook stalking am I?  This "stalking" may in fact be turning me into a crazy person....I should stop....not to mention - try to convert the energy that it takes to feel disappointment and jealousy into positive motivation and will.  It's been a long and exhausting three weeks but I'm starting to accept the truth.  Tulane is inching its way out of my front and center.  It is slowly becoming a periphery,  while my life here - San Francisco, Oakland, Piedmont, Lake Merit, Morgan Stanley, friends, family, and most importantly, STUDYING are creeping back in.  I haven't given up on the big picture and the end goal but I have to see this year as an opportunity - a chance for growth and new experiences.  I'm not sure I really believe in fate, but maybe - just maybe - there is a reason why life is unfolding in this unexpected direction.  Who am I going to meet?  Who will I become reacquainted with? What will I learn?  What will I be exposed to?  What hard decisions will I have to make?  Where will I go?  How will I occupy myself?  Where will I live? How will I become a bigger, stronger, and better person?  Only time will tell.  I will try to be patient as I immerse myself into the complicated layers of this new life chapter.

Oh look - 12:26 am.  It's July 20.  Moving Day!