Strike Two

The month after taking the MCAT is 30 days of bliss.  Basking in the uncertainty of the unknown was hard to swallow after my first test, but I wholeheartedly embraced my time of question after MCAT number two.  Yes, it would be ideal if they could tell you what the test company already knows after you press submit...aka...your score.  But instead, they give you this awkward amount of time to wait.  I debated about continuing to study during this month of serenity combined with anxiety.  My second test felt 100% better than my first.  I felt like a completely different person.  I was refreshed, energized, and was overflowing with confidence and optimism.  I remember getting up for breaks and feeling good.  Dare I say amazing?  I wasn't sure if I was going to obtain the score that I needed but I most certainly felt as though my score had increased and that my studying was moving me in the direction of success. During that month, my biggest worry was dodging and cursing at cars driving 40 mph up Moraga while finishing up my six mile run (if you are a Piedmonter you know that the speed limit in all parts of Piedmont is 25 mph).  SERIOUSLY - SLOW DOWN.

So during this month I had some great things happen to me:

1. Morgan Stanley.  Morgan Stanley has offered me my job back.  I'm going to spare you the details for now because I probably shouldn't be writing about them.  But suffice it to say that I could not be happier working in a place where I feel appreciated, wanted, accepted, valued...a place where I know exactly what I'm doing, and where people look up to me.  Oh, and did I mention that these were delivered to me there last week:

The one thing that I will say about Morgan Stanley is this: I like the work.  I have a lot of growth potential.  And Morgan Stanley will go up to bat for me in a way that Tulane has proven that they will not.  Yes, I understand why I transitioned away from Corporate America and fell for the "optimistic dreamer" approach of pursuing medicine.  Believe me, these feelings (which are truly all over the place will come in further posts.)

2. Guess who else came into my life a few months ago.  Scott.  So Scott and I have a bit of history.  He's best friends with Nick.  I'm friends with Claire (and Nick) ...and Claire and Nick are married.  Scott and I have known each other for a while.  He has been a loyal blog follower from the beginning.  When things were the worst for me.  He was there.  There are no words that express my gratitude for what he was able to hear.  Believe me when I say that it was not pretty stuff.  He was and continues to be truly and completely supportive with my drastic mood swings and constant indecision.  My mom asked me one day why I was interested in Scott.  I told her - because he REMEMBERED the exact day that Bridesmaids came out on DVD.  I know this sounds trivial.  But in all honestly, I have never had a man in my life remember the little things that matter to me.  My favorite movie came out on DVD, and Scott remembered.  I didn't even remember.  He cares.  More than most people care.  And for that, I feel incredibly lucky to have him in my life again.

3. My bestie Kirsten was in town.  Her entire family just swept me into their arms the weekend after the MCAT and hauled us off to Tahoe for an incredible weekend of bliss and peace.  My relationship with Kirsten is like no other.  She gets me.  She motivates me.  She is there for me.  She is my rock.  And I am truly thankful that she never gives up on me.  She is always there for me (despite the distance).  Not surprisingly, we easily stayed up hours after going to bed discussing life stories, events...just catching up.  I love this girl.

So here is where I start over again.  Okay.  Maybe not start over.  But it's time to start dealing with the fall out from the fact that sadly my MCAT score did not improve.  Instead, it stayed the same.  I was so ready to see even one point higher.  My motivation and encouragement would have soared.  But despite everything that I put on hold to completely and fully dedicate myself to one test, my hard work did not pay off.  And I can't figure out why.  More on that later though.  This is enough for now.