Time Is On My Side

How is today already August 11th? (I should preface this by saying that I started this post on August 4th...so I'm not sure if time really still is on my side...but anyways).  July was maybe the worst month of my life for more than a few reasons...it's refreshing to think that even when things aren't fluffy clouds of perfection, time. literally. flies.  Weather we like it or not, time does heal.  It is restorative.  Take it from me - during episodes of chaos, disappointment, failure, despair, regret, and hopelessness, hearing "just give it time" doesn't make anything feel better....even if it is true.  But, I was talking with my mom the other day and she said - Meghan, all things considered, you seem great.  Not stressed; laid back; and completely mellow.  Maybe time is running its course.   

(card courtesy of Kirsten).

So I AM definitely stressed.  There is major anxiety running through my blood in regards to this test that I am scheduled to take in THREE WEEKS.  Ahhhhh - less than a month.  Once again, I find myself wondering, where has the time gone?  Am I going to be ready?  More ready than last time?  Is that even possible?  This test is hard.  Nobody can tell you how to prepare for it.  Probably because there isn't a "right" way.  The only known fact is that I have to know EVERYTHING....years of science classes....textbooks of information.  I have come to the conclusion that the only thing that I can do is study (and when I say study - I literally have been studying 7-10 hours a day.  Yes.  Every day).  I want to know my science facts cold.  I have done thousands of practice problems.  And practice test after practice test. 

That said, I am not nearly as stressed as I was before I took test number one.  The first time that I took the MCAT I had two weeks to study for it.  I felt like I was constantly cramming vital facts into my brain.  I don't think that I realized the relationship between the parathyroid hormone and osteoclasts until two days before the exam.  I was a mess.  I'm in a much better place now.  Things make sense.  I am figuring out the connections, and I have a deeper sense of comfort with the material and where I stand with it.  I'm also slowly (but surely) re-gaining confidence in myself and my test-taking abilities.

And then of course, there are the the newly found sources of inspiration that I have at home.  Picture number one demonstrates my constant sugar/salt/chocolate/tea (oh yeah and there are some flashcards in the mid-ground) intake (so-long Paleo).  Picture number two is what I look like on a DAILY basis.  And who wouldn't be inspired by that?  No seriously.  I don't think that you get it.  It PAINS me to remove my black polar fleece sweats and dark blue hoodie.  IT PAINS ME.  Picture number three is a Jim mug.  Jim (being my dad) inspires me on a daily basis, so why not drink coffee from a mug with his name on it?  (Yes mom, you inspire me too). 

So there are also other reasons why I am doing better.  To begin with - I am sleeping.  At least when there is room on my bed to sleep...

Unfortunately, Dandy recently got the ax from my bedroom in the evenings.  Mostly due to the fact that I was losing sleep over feeling like I couldn't move because I didn't want to disturb him.  Oh, have a mentioned that I am a nurturer?  Yes - even when it comes to Dandy.  How can I wake him when he looks so peaceful?  So instead, he sits outside my door and whines, scratches, and finally gives up...plopping himself down so that his tail pushes through the crack under my door.  Be strong Meghan, be strong.

The last time I studied for the MCAT I completely removed myself from society.  I haven't done that this time around.  Well - I have been a little anti-social.  And I do study all day.  But I usually go out in the evenings, see friends, and try to get my mind off of science.  That has helped.  A LOT.

Annnnnddddd - I got my job back at Morgan Stanley!  My full time job.  They know that my plan is medical school in the fall, so for the time being, the job is temporary.  But it will be a great way to make some money and pretend like I am a grown up again.  There are other things in the works - the hugest being - a trip to London to see Andrea!  So maybe this year isn't going to be so bad after all.  It will give me more time to grow, think, mature, and be ready.  If and when I do get into medical school, it will not be taken for granted.  I have worked and waited for this opportunity.  When/if I get it - I will cherish every hard worked day that I put into making this dream a reality.