Getting into Medical School is Not Easy

My plan was to start a blog as soon as I got into medical school.  I figured it would be an easy way to keep people (mostly my mother) updated about my life, my dissections, and the sizable amount of new vocabulary being stuffed into my already mostly full brain.  But alas, the MCAT hit.  No it slammed, slapped, punched, stabbed and twisted me so hard I could hardly breath afterward.  I knew - with.out.a.doubt that I did not get what I needed on that exam to get into medical school.  I played along for that month of anticipation with everyone's "stop talking Meghan.  I'm sure you did fine." But I knew.  I totally knew.  See - most people take the MCAT the summer before applying to medical school.  But I had this amazing linkage set up with Tulane.   My post-bac program nominated me to apply early.  I did the full application, and then the secondary followed by an interview...an  interview that went so well I had the dean of admissions in tears telling me that she couldn't wait to meet the people who raised me kind of interview.  I mean.  It went really well.  I had a full on acceptance to Tulane and during that month of waiting I realized that all of my hard work was slipping through my fingers.

Suffice it to say that waiting that month was torture.  Waiting to see the little score report innocently mandating your future is torture.  And there isn't anything that you can do about it.  You can't start studying again, because maybe it was just a really hard test and the curve is low.  Wouldn't that be nice - all of your "guesses" (B's and C's mostly because they say that statistically that is what you should go with) were actually correct.  Surprise!  Even though you took educated guesses on at least 25% of the entire exam, you still got a 37.  Good job!  You can't plan a move, because really, if you actually know yourself and your testing ability your intuition is probably correct.  So I tried to have fun.  I went to Costa Rica with my brother.  I got scuba certified - which is it's own story - but I almost died.  I did have a panic attack 40 feet under water and my scuba instructor did have to spray my face with oxygen - until I realized that I was hyperventilating, and getting to the surface was way more important than "the bends" or my lungs completely decompressing.  I did spend quality time with my family and friends.  I even came close to falling in love.

Sigh, the day came and I didn't get what I needed.  And no.  They aren't going to make an exception for me.  They are "deferring" my admission until I get the score that they require.  It doesn't matter that I spent 6 years in finance, that I got A's in my post-bac program, that I have worked in the medical field for the past two years, that I have lived abroad, that I have a paper published, or that I donated my kidney.  It all comes down to one number. 

So here I am - I thought I was going to be making a cross-country move in two weeks but instead I'm faced with uncertainty, loneliness, and absolute fear.  Everything that I had...everything that I was preparing for has been flipped upside down.  I will say that this blog was (and is) intended for my family and close friends.  I wanted to keep everyone updated.  I knew that medical school was going to be time consuming and busy.  I've gone through three phone recharges today (which is partially because I have a janky four year old iPhone but partially because people don't stop calling...you guys care, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart).  So this is a medium in which I can share with everyone.  It isn't the way that I wanted this story to start, but it is a start nonetheless.  We will see where it takes me.